Humor and Observations


American Culture

Botox
"If Botox were lethal, half of Beverly Hills would be dead and the other half would be suicidal," said Dr. Ava T.
Shamban, a cosmetic dermatologist in Santa Monica."

Mireya Navarro reporting in the New York Times: "Botox Lawsuit Is Raising Eyebrows", 10/02/2004


Dialogue during wedding scene
Father of the bride: “Who brought my ex-wife back from the dead?”
Minister: “Not now, Victor. I know you two have issues. That's what the reception is for.”

                            From the TV show “Charmed” about three witches.


Poetry
"For those who love poetry, the recent announcement that Ruth Lilly had donated about $100 million to Poetry magazine was a welcome boost. But to me the most illuminating aspect of this extraordinary news was not the size of the gift, but rather a subsequent revelation that the journal gets roughly 90,000 submissions a year — yet its circulation peaks at just 10,000. Literary magazine editors have pondered this kind of awkward imbalance for some time. It seems there are a lot of would-be poets out there. But it seems that many are writers who write without reading."

"A Lost Eloquence"
By CAROL MUSKE-DUKES, NY Times, December 29th, 2002
Reference: http://www.nytimes.com/2002/12/29/opinion/29DUKE.html
(Access may requireno cost registration at NY Times site)



New Automobile Features
"The [Honda] Pilot, by the way, has a "sauce management system" for holding the dips that come with an order of chicken nuggets."

NY Times, December 29th, 2002
http://www.nytimes.com/2002/12/29/automobiles/29NUTS.html



DoorMat Instructions
"This perfectly fine if not certainly adequate High Cotton doormat is made from 100% Olefin (R) Indoor/Outodoor carpet and printed with color-fast inks. Wash with hose and brush. Dry flat. Do not machine wash.

Important things you should know about your new doormat

Warning: Do not use mat as a projectile. Sudden acceleration to dangerous speeds may cause injury. When using mat, follow directions. Put your right foot in, put your right foot out, put your right foot in and shake it all about. This mat is not designed to sustain gross weight exceeding 12,000 lbs. If mat begins to smoke, immediately seek shelter and cover head. Caution: if coffee spills on mat, assume that it is very hot. This mat is not intended to be used as a placemat. Small food particles trapped in fibers may attract rodents and other vermin. Do not glue mat to porous surfaces, such as pregnant women, pets and heavy machinery. When not in use, mat should be kept out of reach of children diagnosed with CFED (Compulsive Fiber Eating Disorder). Do not taunt mat. Failure to comply relieves the makers of this doormat, SImply Precious Home Decor, and its parent company, High Cotton, Inc., of any and all liability."

from
High Cotton, Inc.
401 Easy Street, Hardeeville, SC 29927
www.highcotton.com


The Hotel Monaco, San Franciso

"Guest Amenities
201 guest rooms, including 32 suites with a two-person spa tub
...
Complimentary goldfish for company upon request"

from Hotel Brochure (web site: www.hotelmonaco.com)


The Human Condition
"Let's face it, there's not one of us who hasn't had the thought, The reason I am so messed up is that my father is a mad scientist who turned me into a freak with starfish and jellyfish DNA and then I got accidentally blasted with gamma rays and nanomeds and now whenever my adrenaline increases I grow 10 times larger and turn green and start wrecking everything. This is practically the universal human condition."

From the Washington Post review of the movie The Hulk, "All the Rage: The Hulk in Us All"  by Joel Achenbach
Washington Post Staff Writer, Thursday, June 19, 2003; Page C01


Interesting Rather than Funny:
Percentage of Revenues from Fatty Foods
Hershey's
99%
McDonald's
99%
Cadbury
90%
Pepsico
77%
CocaCola
72%
Heinz
50%
Nestle
46%
Kraft
35%
Source Business Week based on USB Warburg analysis
http://www.businessweek.com/@@0d8ermcQ7px6nQkA/premium/content/03_34/c3846002_mz003.htm


Homeland Security
"And at Eppley Airfield in Omaha, Neb., recently, a deer walked though a revolving door and made its way to baggage claim. Rest assured it would have never made it through security without a picture ID. Several travelers grabbed it, tied its legs with duct tape, and police released it at a nearby river."

Wall Street Journal, September 17th, 2003
http://online.wsj.com/article/0,,SB106372453328159400,00.html?mod=at%255Fleisure%255Fmain%255Feditors%255Fpicks%255Fdays%255Fonly


 Back of the Business Card from India Restaurant, 6127 Geary Blvd (near 25th), San Francisco, CA 94121
"There are only two things that make sense ... one is the customer and the other is the product.
If you take care of customers, they come back.
If you take care of your product, it doesn't come back.
It's just that simple"